Do you know the 5-10-15 method for getting your baby to sleep? This is when a very small child, a baby, is left to cry alone in his crib for 5, then 10, then 15, and so on, minutes until he falls asleep. This supposedly teaches him to fall asleep on his own. When my eldest son was just born, this method was promoted in every possible way by nurses and doctors in Quebec. It was my first child, and I succumbed. She succumbed to the onslaught of authority. Left him to cry. Alone, at night, in the dark. Thank God, my husband slapped me on the head my instincts worked quickly enough, and the very next evening I took him to bed with us again, and we were happy. But this one night, when I left my child, he was crying, but I didn’t come - I will never forget her. He yes, I no.
When I was reading "The Secret Support" by Petranovskaya, I remembered it again. “Do you want your child to cope with life? So, comfort all childhood, hug, accept his feelings. Don't say "Don't cry!", don't try to immediately distract and entertain. Help him live through stress, stay alive, and get out of it, and not swallow unpleasant feelings and freeze. Let him get upset, cry, be afraid, protest - and with your help, let him learn to accept the imperfection of the world, move from disappointment and protest to consolation and reconciliation with reality ”- how I regretted that I had not read these lines earlier! And then this: “Always trust yourself more than any book, and this one is no exception. You are the parent of your child, you love him, you know, you understand, you feel like no one else, even if at times it seems to you that you don’t understand at all. The opinion of a specialist is important information for reflection, it is a way to see your situation as if from the outside, an opportunity to see problems in the broader context of culture, tradition and even the evolution of our species. But it is up to you to decide what to do right now with your own baby who is crying, fighting or scared, and if your intuition, driven by love and care, does not say what the book says, listen to your intuition.
This book (by the way, the best-selling non-fiction book in Russia in 2018) is an extraordinary support for parents. It helps to better understand our children, reminds us how much we love them, even when you come home after work, and they walk on their heads, and how important we are to them. She explains the importance of not brushing off the many "whys" of children and the importance of talking to your children. How to become their friend and forever remain the one whom the child trusts more than others.